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ChRi$$iE-LiCiOu$Because this is cheaper than therapy 23 avril Countdown.....14 days until I turn 26 and 19 days (hopefully, if she's on time) until I'm a mom....shit's happening quick now! 9 months is a LONG time andI am so glad it's almost over. It's been lonely! Apparently, once you get pregnant, most of your friends stop hanging out with you...I guess I didn't get that memo!
As excited as I am for all of this, I'm also a little sad. I mean it's the end of an era! Life will never be the same again...No more living just for me. It's most likely a good thing though, because look where living for me got me lol. It's just so weird to think that in less than a month, I alone will be responsible for another human being. That's some scary shit! I understand now why people wait to get married before they have kids....I always was one to do things ass backwards! I have a good feeling that the life I want and deserve is just around the corner, though. This is only the beginning. 9 avril Home Stretch!SO I'm all moved into the new place...and only 5 more weeks to go until baby arrives! Wow. It's weird, lately I have just felt so NORMAL, not crazy or emotional...just nicely balanced. And what a relief that is! I don't remember the last time I felt so at peace with everything....it's been a long time! 4 mars Relief!!So things are great now....actually better than great! I'm moving into a new place April 1st so I can start decorating and getting ready for this baby.....yay nesting!....AND I now know that my daughter will know her daddy! Lately he has come around to the point of being excited about this baby...which is AWESOME. He has come so far and I am so proud of him for that. It seems my moods have stabilized quite a bit as well, lately my hormones have been completely under control...no crazy breakdowns for a while now....Actually all I have been feeling lately is elated. I feel truly happy, and ready....for whatever :) I just can't wait to meet my daughter....10 more weeks! 26 janvier Decode lyrics (Paramore)How can I decide what's right When you're clouding up my mind? I can't win your losing fight All the time. Not gonna ever own what's mine When you're always taking sides But you won't take away my pride. No, not this time. Not this time. How did we get here? When I used to know you so well. But how did we get here? Well, I think I know. The truth is hiding in your eyes And it's hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood. But you think that I can't see What kind of man that you are, If you're a man at all. Well, I will figure this one out On my own. (I'm screaming, "I love you so.") On my own. (My thoughts you can't decode) How did we get here? When I used to know you so well, yeah. But how did we get here? Well, I think I know. Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools Of ourselves. Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools Of ourselves. Yeah.Yeah. How did we get here? When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah. How did we get here? Well, I used to know you so well. I think I know. I think I know. There is something I see in you. It might kill me. I want it to be true. 24 janvier Bumming...real bad....Today is not good day...today is a very very bad day. Today, my sadness is crippling. I can't stop crying! I feel so fucking alone right now, I could throw up. I have NEVER felt sadness like this before. I know it's just the hormones, but my god, this shit feels so REAL! This would be a good time to have someone....someone to hold me and tell me that they are here for me and that everything is going to be ok. Someone to rub my back and stroke my hair.......Someone to be happy about this baby :(
It's not fair at all....I'm sitting home alone and crying, while the other person involved in this gets to go out and pretend this never happened.......where is the justice? I wish this feeling would go away. You'd think I'd run out of tears eventually, but no. 11 janvier No Risks No Rewards.....right?Oh man.... I am sitting here with my stomach in knots tonight because I decided it was time to stop bottling up my true feelings. I poured it all out in one ballsy letter, and although it felt good to get it all out, I am now stuck with this anxiety....wondering, should I have done that? I completely exposed myself to another human being, which is something I am unfamiliar with. I don't really know what I am expecting to get out of this.....I guess maybe some fucking clarity would be nice. I've been on this roller coaster for way too long now, I just want to know whether I am wasting my time or not. I don't want to dangle on this thread anymore :( Its killing me!!!!!!! I have to take into consideration that everything I feel, my baby girl inside me feels too...and I don't want to feel this anymore! It's not healthy. My feelings run so deep for this guy, he is the father of my child after all...he has so much power to lift me up, or crush me completely...I'm not used to feeling so...so....vulnerable.
Oh god, I want it to work with us so bad....:(.....But whatever comes out of this, at least I know I was finally true to myself and honest about my feelings. That's a big step for me! So thats a good thing, even if I don't get the response I want.....right?
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